Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Bloody Shit-Puke

Bloody Shit-Puke (A Horror Story)

I’m going to share a delightful story with you about something I found in the men’s bathroom one morning.
This happened somewhat early on the job. The day started off pretty good and I was feeling optimistic.

After gathering all the carts in the parking lot and taking out all the trash, I got ready to clean the bathrooms.
For the record, the restrooms usually aren’t too bad. There’s always, ALWAYS a small amount of shit on at least one of the toilet seats, but it’s nothing I can’t handle with The Blue Stuff and some paper towels. The men’s room is always worse than the women’s.
So I was expecting a small mess in the men’s restroom that morning, as always…But I was not expecting this

Covering 80% of the floor, splattered on the walls and sinks, and leading from the one stall was what I can only describe as “bloody shit-puke”. Like, seriously, there was BLOOD—or maybe they horked up something red—I don’t know. But I was pretty sure that when I opened that stall door, there would be a human corpse with an ruptured colon lying there.

The smell. THE SMELL, you guys. What has been smelled can never be unsmelled; it was the worst thing to ever rape my nostrils since I tried snorting confetti when I was 7.
So I went to tell my boss, thinking he would have mercy on me and call someone else to deal with it. Because…Seriously. Bloody diarrhea vomit, What the hell. NO ONE is prepared to deal with that, especially not 19-year-old OCD me.
I told him…

…And he fucking laughs. Not like a “teehee” chuckle, but a “HA HA HA OH MY GOD SRSLY?!” bellow. I asked him if he could call a different company to deal with it, and he pretty much said,

Personally, I don’t think $8.50 an hour is enough incentive to deal with this. I probably should have thrown down my apron and walked the fuck out, but whatever. Time to man up and face the music great pool of various human wastes.
I put on a paper mask and got a gallon of bleach and a mop. There’s a drain in the middle of the floor of every bathroom, so I just poured the bleach everywhere and considered drinking it to end the pain.
Then I just kinda stood outside the bathroom door, swishing the mop around and quietly dying on the inside.

I still don’t know what the hell happened in there that morning. I’m pretty sure I don’t WANT to know, but I find myself occasionally wondering even to this day. It really looked like someone just fucking exploded. With a full colon. Uuuugh.
I have suffered, and now I am stronger.

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